Six years ago I had a very memorable, magical day eating a giant psilocybin mushroom cap and stem and wandering around my favourite park on a sunny, summer afternoon.
As I sensed the onset of the mushroom’s effects, I noticed a music swelling up inside of me. The sounds resonated not through my ears, but through my whole being, expanding and filling my veins, my senses, my heart. As I very slowly and lightly strolled around the park- the fields, flowers, ponds, ducks, squirrels, turtles, fountains, groves and trees- the internal music sang and morphed along with my changing visual field, with everything I saw. The music sounded out as string instruments, a very holy, sacred sound that communicated true love and overflowing gratefulness. It reflected the perfect beauty of the world.
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As I turned a corner and came upon a new sight, a new wonder, the music would match the experience and would communicate the beauty- in sound- that I was seeing. As I peered down at a delicate, quivering leaf, the cellos went silent and the violins sang a treble (strain) harmony to perfectly match this green, alien, wonder in front of me.
Over and over again this music welled up inside me, growing more and more full of love and indescribable beauty.
Over the course of the afternoon I filled my pocket notebook, along with numerous scraps of paper and napkins, with scribbles and diagrams, trying to record on paper the music I was hearing inside.
Over the next few months I did my best to make audio recordings and sketches of some of the main themes that I heard on that day.
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Fast-forward to three months ago. The timing, space and motivation of my life had aligned, and I had finally committed myself to fully realizing and creating this music that was born on that sunny afternoon six years ago. I felt ready to give birth to this music.
Once more I sought out the mushrooms for help. I drove far outside town and dove deep into the ancient forest. In the belly of the forest I stopped to rest, drink water, and eat some psilocybin mushrooms. It took another 20 minutes to reach the ocean. Once there, I wandered “aimlessly” along the coastline, stopping to notice, touch and admire the countless wonders around me.
As I stood still as a statue atop a rocky cliff with the roar of the waves and the whipping wind filling my senses, I felt that I was at the peak of the day’s mushroom journey.
I listened.
I listened to nature.
I listened for music.
I listened for instruction, guidance and inspiration.
The message I received in that moment was this:
“You do not need our help to create this music. It is inside of you. We are here to support you if you need, but you do not need our help.”
This was the perfect message. Unexpected, but exactly what I needed to hear.
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Now, three months later, I am composing this music five days a week, and as I compose, the sentiment I most often feel is pure gratefulness and thanksgiving. The music is a gift. I grow from it, and create it as a gift from the world back to itself.
Once or twice a week I take a mushroom microdose in the morning (0.125mg), when I know I will spend many hours that day working on music.
On these days I feel the mushroom microdoses help me focus, and I often find myself 100% in the flow, in the moment, oblivious and undistracted by anything outside of what I am creating right now.
On the days when I don’t microdose, but still work on music, I feel the same gratefulness, am capable of the same level of creativity, but find I sometimes lack the pure focus and stamina to maintain the creative flow for consecutive hours.
I plan to continue experimenting with mushroom microdosing as it seems to be a beneficial occasional tool for focus and flow in creativity.
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I now view the act of music composing as a form of listening where one literally tunes in to a wavelength where the music already exists. One can only tune in to this dimension when one becomes inwardly silent and still. This music which grows and morphs with each passing moment, is always new, always ready to be heard and to be translated from that mystical dimension into our own. This, then, is the composer's role: to listen to the music of life and to translate it into our physical plane. This is also the role of all art: to bring something forth from the mist, from that realm of wordless, silent knowing into view so that we might sense it, feel it, and know it more directly through our eyes and ears. ------------
I share this journey in the hopes that other people, all of whom are creative beings, will take inspiration and consider researching and exploring their relationship with psilocybin mushrooms and psychedelics, reconnect with the life-giving energy of nature, and thereby continue to grow and create.
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Wishing all the best for all humans and all living things,
Continue your journey by reading our Psilocybin Microdosing Manifesto
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